Casting my net

There are so many things I want to write about...my family, my new house, my goals and plans for the year, memories, my thoughts on what is going on in the world, our upcoming presidential election...(actually there is only one word for that--HELP!). There are many things to write and pictures to share, but I am going to post one more blog about this job of mine. Not that it will be of much interest to anyone, but I just need to write about it.

I shared last time about how demanding it is. Well, it has only intensified each week, and I feel more and more consumed by it. The administrator pulled me into her office this past week and asked me how I was feeling about things. I confessed to her that I was very unhappy. I feel that every waking moment of my day is spent thinking, planning, worrying or dreading some aspect of this job. I don't sleep well, I wake up at 3:00 am every morning with my mind 'racing'. I feel I have no energy or emotion for my marriage, my family, or any other aspect of my life. She agreed that it was difficult, and reminded me that to correct the problems of this facility it was going to take about a year of long days and hard work to get there. She then asked me, " Are you willing to stick with me to do this?" I said no.

I hate to think of myself as a quitter. But, after much thought and prayer, I believe the right thing to do is to admit that I am not able to meet the needs and the demands of this position and the fair thing for both me and the facility is to step down and allow another more experienced nurse take the director position. I have to admit my pride is getting kicked a bit. She asked me to stay for a month and I agreed. I hope my ego won't be too badly bruised during the next month.

I have no other job to go to yet.
That's a bit scary, especially since we just bought a new house with a pretty hefty mortgage payment. But I reconize this as an opportunity to walk in faith. I am trusting in God. He knows my needs and I know he will direct me to a position that will fit perfectly with my skills and strengths, and will provide for us financially.

Yesterday I sat at my computer and filled out a long, tedious on-line application with the state for a VA SNF that is just a few minutes from my home. I also updated my resume and posted it on several sites. I also emailed it to some hospitals, hospices and nursing homes. I am also considering a couple of positions within this same company. As I was doing all of this, I thought of the story in the New Testament of Peter who by trade was a fisherman, and had had a very unsuccessful night of fishing. I am sure he was discouraged and probably worried about the impact it would have on his family. Jesus told him to go back out and to cast his nets. Peter reluctantly did this and his catch was so great the boat began to sink. (Luke 5:4-6) God does care about our jobs. I have cast out my 'net' and will trust in God to fill it.